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Below are the 11 most recent journal entries recorded in Shelinda's LiveJournal:

Tuesday, September 16th, 2003
7:32 pm
So what now?
...I think...I forgot I had this thing existed.

It's been a while since i've last updated it, and to those who read it and wondered where I went; my apologies.

Finally, I went shopping.. my oddly gathered income was supposed to be partially spent on Books of Yevon, but because I forgot him (as blasphemous as it sounds, it wasn't my fault), I Had extra money, and thus, settled myself into a meager apartment in the middle of nowhere in particular. I bought some new clothes, and a little baby-chocobo-like plushie that reminds me of a duck.. Then, of course, food to have at home, and the like..

Whilst trying to get a head start on training with Locke's daggers, I began to play with them on my own, and ended up hurting myself pretty badly because I was a klutz.. Miss Dagger was kind enough to come heal me, and she was also kind enough to put up with the aftermath that followed. Thank you. And thank you, Locke, as well, for your accompanying me home and staying with me for a bit. It was certainly good to see you again.

I think I need to get out more. Whereupon I used to always be out on the streets too much, now, I believe I am cooped up inside too much..Hm. I don't know.. We'll just see how things go; perhaps I'll go for a little walk right after finishing this.

As a final note, though, if it hadn't been deduced from the paragraphs above, I remembered everything I had forgotten. About Yevon, Spira; all of it. I've realized the extent of my utter sin, and am still debating the next direction that I will take.

From the Private Journal of ShelindaCollapse )

Need fresh air.. That walk is looking pretty good right now...

Current Mood: dirty
Make a Stand?
Tuesday, August 26th, 2003
5:52 pm
It's been a while..
I would've written a lot more in this journal, but I've been busy, and then when I wasn't, I was a little..tied up..

So.. While wandering around, I ran into a person named Sephiroth, who was looking for company to the opening of the Red Velvet.. I didn't think anyone should be left alone, so I offered to go with him if he couldn't find anyone else.. And he took me up on my offer.

My time at the opening with him was fairly pleasant.. He was kind enough to listen to me.. I just felt so bad for him after seeing his eyes, though.. They were so empty.. I spoke up, offering that if he ever needed my help that i'd do my best to help him.. I don't quite regret my words, though they did get me into a lot of trouble.. After a while of talking, Sephiroth got me to drink a bit of wine.. Which, for those of you who don't know, I have ZERO tolerance for alcohol.. Thus, I think I passed out..

From there.. Well.. The next thing I knew, I woke up, and I was tied to Sephiroth's bed.. He told me I belonged to him, and........Well..I'd rather not continue on paper...If you must know, I will..discuss it with you in person..

After the above, Sephiroth started acting like a bit of a madman.. and it was frightening, but he didn't try to hurt me, so I was allright...For the most part..I fell asleep, and the next thing I knew, I was elsewhere.. I hate waking up in random places.. It makes me feel like I have more holes in my memory than I already do..

One thing is for certain, though.. I'm sick of being so worthless. I need to learn how to start defending myself.. I will go shopping, pick up some clothes and other things, including perhaps a weapon, and then.. I'll work hard.. so maybe I won't be such a burden anymore.. Anyone who wants to join in my venture, or help me in any way, is welcome to.. For now, I think I'm just going to rest, though.. Everything that's been happening lately is a bit much for me....

To Locke.Collapse )

From the PRIVATE Journal of Shelinda..Collapse )

Current Mood: tired
Make a Stand?
Tuesday, August 19th, 2003
8:29 pm
...
...I'm so stupid...
Worthless, stupid, foolish...

I can't do anything.. I need people to take care of me, and when they try, I only cause trouble for them..I jump to conclusions, like at the party, and I probably hurt all of those people's..I probably hurt all their feelings..And, to top it off, instead of really apologizing to them, I go into hysterics and hide under the table....It's so terrible that i've been wandering around for days.. To be honest, I think i'm lost again.. The more I try to remember where I'm going, the more I can't find what i'm searching for.. Any more lost, and I Think i'll be walking back and forth over a one-foot radius with a stupid look, giggling,' Have I been this way before?'

....It's absolutely wretched... I can't think, I'm not worth anything, and in essence, i'm only part of a girl.. All the things i've forgotten.. All the trouble I cause.. All the things I can't do.. What am I good for, if anything? I was able to disappear for a few days....would anyone mind if I disappeared forever? ...I remember the darkness..That suffocating feeling..If water entered my lungs, would it feel that way? Would it feel that hopelessly oppressing? Should I even try? Could I even find my way there? Could I bring myself to do it? Am I just insane? Why can't I remember anything? Why....?

From the Private Journal of Shelinda..Collapse )

Current Mood: drained
Make a Stand?
Friday, August 15th, 2003
11:10 pm
Oh, Goodness..
While wandering around Traverse Town in search of the things I have forgotten, I met a nice young lady named Miss Rinoa..She informed me that Selphie had been looking for me, and that Selphie is ill... I feel terrible for not having known sooner! After all she's done for me, the least I could be doing right now is staying by her side and helping her get anything she needs! I'll be sure to ask her if there is anything I can do for her when I visit her..

Off I go..

Current Mood: worried
Make a Stand?
Tuesday, August 12th, 2003
6:59 pm
I was saved.. and that's good.. I don't know how much longer I could've lasted with all those heartless.. So.. many thanks to Selphie, Locke, and that other gentleman.. Either I didn't catch your name, or I don't remember it, but you know who you are, so thank you nonetheless. And thank you for the dress, too.

I'm rather regretful to have discovered I no longer have access to my voice, though. That's not the only thing I've lost access to, either.. I seem to have several large HOLES in my memory now.. I have no idea what happened, but I'm certain that i'm missing several important things.. So, I suppose I should warn people that if I act a bit weirdly, it's probably because of that...my apologies..

Anyway.. I was told to stay put... so that's exactly what i'm doing.. I rather hope no heartless pop up in this alley, but I'm trying to be optimistic in thinking that they won't.

Current Mood: bored
Make a Stand?
Monday, August 11th, 2003
6:17 pm
Lost in the darkness..
I can't stop crying......

It hurts....so much......

Yevon....someone......anyone.....help me....

.....help me before I can't even feel this pain anymore.....before these icy fingers around my throat finish stealing away my life....

I can't see anything..It's cold...Cold enough to be extremely hurtful, but not enough to numb me from this pain...I'm drowning...In this darkness....And I hear it calling to others....and to me.....It's voice is deep and crooning...alluring almost...but it touches my ears as if it were the sound of nails on a chalkboard...

Help......................

Current Mood: dead
Make a Stand?
Saturday, August 9th, 2003
5:51 pm
Hmm..
Well.. I sorted out that money I found, after finding even MORE on the ground.. Apparently those heartless things drop money when they're killed, and some people are forgetting to collect all that money.. Or something.. I think i'm just lucky, is all.. But I'm certain I can't go on like that forever..

But I left Selphie a bit of money to help pay for the hotel room.. The hotel room in which she locked Locke and myself.. Dear Yevon, he's such a wonderful person.. I hope I didn't do anything wrong while in his presence.. On a different note, though, I've come to find that moogles are quite frightening.. Well, more so than I imagined, anyway.

I've been feeling a little lightheaded recently, and I still need to go shopping.. Perhaps I'll do that a little later. Hm.. I also was trying to look for Miss Esmeralda's goat when I was with Miss Dagger, but I couldn't find it.. I wonder if she's had any luck yet? I certainly hope so..

Yevon Guide Me.....

Current Mood: light-headed
Make a Stand?
Thursday, August 7th, 2003
11:02 pm
Praise be to Yevon!
Today has been quite a bit better than my previous days, so far. My wanderings around Traverse Town have certainly paid off today! And by Yevon, I mean that literally! I found a whole lot of these little coins scattered over the ground, in one of the back alleys, with no owner anywhere in sight! The right thing to do would probably be to try and find an owner, but I really don't think that'd be easy, since i'm sure everyone's in need of money, and money does corrupt so easily.. However, I shall take this as a sign from Yevon, and in such, have collected the money for myself. I do intend to split said money in three ways, though..
1) For Luxury~ Food for myself, and perhaps a plushie, too.
2) For Yevon~ I will look into getting more of his books published.
3) For Selphie~ I will chip in for the hotel room which she's so graciously sharing with me.

While I haven't counted how much I have yet, I'm sure every little bit of money helps in every little area.. And I haven't eaten in days, either, so actually having some money in which to buy a bit of food is such a lovely development.. I just hope I have enough for something.

In the way of finding new friends.. I came across a lovely young lady by the name of Miss Dagger, in the sewers. Later, I found that she was also staying in Selphie's room with me, so I had a little chat with her, but I feel bad because I think I said some things that upset her.. I do hope she's having a better day today. Also, there was an odd young man who was ridiculing my beliefs.. And he mentioned..Sin.. Sin was the last thing I wanted to remember....so....my encounter with that young man was none to pleasent..

Well.. I suppose I'm off to count that money and to start getting it divided. May Yevon's blessings be upon us.

((OOC: i'm online.. will be for quite a while now.. RP welcome..))

Current Mood: pleased
Make a Stand?
Wednesday, August 6th, 2003
9:42 pm
Well.. This time, I didn't wake up on a bench.

This time, it was just cold, hard, ground.

That's quite odd, though. I remember having jumped unto a bench out of fright because an odd little moogle was arguing with me.. But after that I don't remember anything but waking up here on the ground. Dear Yevon, these lapses in memory certainly aren't healthy. But I do remember having seen a delightful lady, of whom, again reminded me of a non-blue Ronso decendandant, and she was nice enough to say that Yevon must be proud to have a follower like me. That really made me feel nice.

Earlier today, I'd spent a lot of time with Selphie.. She's such an absolutely wonderful young lady. I learned from her that those frightening little black beings are called "heartless".. So far, I haven't run into any more here, unless those Moogles are heartless in disguise.. Oh, that would be dreadful.. But I'm sure Yevon will protect me.

I've also been assured that part of my duty in being here is to spread the teachings of Yevon, no different from how I have done in Spira! Surely, it will be more difficult here, for I am surrounded by those who have not even heard of Yevon before, but I will not give up! In the name of Yevon, I will try my hardest, and if I am even able to convert but one person, I will still have done a great justice. Praise be to Yevon!

I think, for now, i'll continue walking around. I'd like to meet more people, and perhaps help some others the same way Selphie has helped me. But if I am to be one who can point people in the right direction, I need to know what direction to take, myself. But with Yevon's guidance, I shall get by, and help those who need help, the best I can.

May Yevon's Blessings be upon all in this town.

Current Mood: rejuvenated
Make a Stand?
Tuesday, August 5th, 2003
10:40 pm
Well...
So far, I've met a lovely young lady by the name of Selphie, and a person who reminds me ever so faintly of the Ronsos from back on Spira, only, he seemed a bit more cat-like and wasn't a blue color.. Both were kind enough to approach me, but I feel utterly ashamed that I had a moment of lost faith in front of them.

That moment, I must say, was firmly backed, though.. It would explain so many of the questions I have right now.. About how I ended up here, and why.. But the thought of Yevon tossing me away because of darkness in me.. I have not changed at all during these years in which I have served him, so he would not toss me out because I have not gained any darkness recently....Unless....Unless those scary black beings infused me with darkness, a-and Yevon had to send me away for the good of Spira! Maybe THAT'S it! But... Even if that is the case... I miss Spira already...

On that note, i'm sure i'm not the only one who misses Spira.. Seeing Lady Yuna here signifies that, indeed, Yevon must have a greater reason for sending us all here.. Truly.. I will find the answers and spread faith that we will be able to return home!

Current Mood: hopeful
Make a Stand?
Monday, August 4th, 2003
2:17 am
Oh, Yevon..
...where am I.....? How did I get here? I'm so cold...So very cold.....

I was sitting on the highbridge, deep in thought, when I suddenly heard screaming.. There were these little black beings running around in a frightening manner, and a group of them were headed towards me.. The next thing I rememebered...Well...To be honest, I don't remember anything further except waking up here, on this bench, in this odd place that I don't even recognize in the slightest..

I'm frightened.. I feel somehow distant from Yevon.. even more so than when Sin was defeated.. Could it be that he's pushing me away? That he's punishing me for something? What have I done? Yevon... if you can hear me.. Please guide me.. I still have faith.. But.............Why would you throw me here, away from you? Why have you allowed so many people to turn away from your teachings?

Why...?

...I should move off this bench.. I'm cold, and if I could find someplace warmer to sit, I think i'd be better off, at least for now..

Current Mood: cold
Make a Stand?
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